Oh affirmative action, how I love to hate you

In the spirit of Christopher’s previous post giving advice on the infamous college essay, I thought I’d share an old scholarship essay of mine on affirmative action.

Like America as a whole, I can’t really decide how I feel about affirmative action in the college application process. On one hand, it is a necessary measure (at least right now) to have some semblance of diversity on campuses. On the other hand, it is a flawed system that doesn’t really help who it is intended to help.

Anyway, the following scholarship application essay (I got the scholarship!) argues just one side of the affirmative action debate.  This is not one of those open-ended Common App type essays. The assignment was to write a persuasive essay on any topic. I adapted this from a speech I wrote for a Congressional debate topic, which in turn was adapted from an essay for my eighth grade English class. I posted it here less as an example of a college/scholarship essay but more because I thought the topic would be of interest to the intended audience of this blog. I’d love to hear any comments/counterarguments!

(Note: This essay is MINE. Please do not plagiarize.)

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The Racism of Affirmative Action

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “A person should not be judged by the color of their skin, but on the content of their character”.  He was referring to segregation in the American south during the 1960s.  In the years since, great strides have been made to combat racism against African Americans in the United States. Today, however, a different kind of racism exists in the form of affirmative action in the college application process.  In the past, affirmative action served to balance the playing field for those with backgrounds traditionally discriminated against.  Now, affirmative action justifies the acceptance of less qualified applicants into college in lieu of more qualified applicants simply because of differences in race.  Racial factors should not be taken into consideration in the college application process.

A Princeton Review article regarding college admissions suggests to applicants of African, Native American or Hispanic descent to attach a photo of themselves along with their application.  Below that, it states, “The above does not apply to Asians.”  A person’s racial background can play a significant part in their acceptance to a college.  In 2005, Princeton sociologists Thomas J. Espanshade and Chang Y. Chung conducted a study to see the affect race had on the admissions at Harvard, MIT, Brown, Penn, and Georgetown.  According to their research, which was done based on the old SAT scale of 1600 points, African Americans had a 230 point advantage compared to Caucasians, and Hispanics had a 185 point advantage compared to Caucasians.  Asian Americans, on the other hand, had a 50 point disadvantage compared to Caucasians.  So, a Caucasian candidate with a score of 1600 would be considered equal to an African American candidate with a score of only 1370.  In an effort to fill up quotas for minorities, less qualified applicants are let in, leading to a less qualified student body.  This then brings down the merit of the institution as a whole.  In addition, the achievements of minority students who are let in based on their own merit are undermined as people assume they were accepted largely due to their race.

Supporters of including racial factors in the college application process argue that it is necessary to make up for past discrimination against those races.  However, the great grandchildren of slave owners should not be denied the spot in a college given instead to a less qualified great grandchild of a slave.  As an article in the American Thinker stated, it is reverse racism.   It is important to note that many Asian groups, such as Japanese Americans during World War II, were also greatly persecuted.  Yet, they do not receive any compensation for that past discrimination.

There is though, as Stephan Terstorm, a Harvard University historian, states, an undeniable racial gap in academic achievements.  The root of this problem is not race though.  It is financial class.  A possible solution to close the racial and economic gap would be to create more pre-college opportunities and programs for lower income children.  This way, even lower income non-minorities will benefit.  Then, when students apply to college, lower income students, a majority of which are minorities, will be just as qualified as their non-minority counterparts.  Thus, including racial factors in the college admission process will not be necessary to create a diverse college campus.

Students applying to college have worked hard for several years to ensure success for their future.  It is disheartening and unfair to all students involved to know that one’s racial background, a factor that cannot be controlled, can play a significant part in the college application process. College is first and foremost an academic institution, and therefore an applicant should not be judged by their race, but by their overall merit.

Writing not what matters most to you, but to the admissions officers.

Eyes locked on the computer monitor with its white light illuminating my face, I typed. It only seems like yesterday I struggled thus, pushing myself to write something of substance deeper than a kiddie pool. As always, after going through the process, I can now impart advice — advice, which upon hearing back then, I would not have heeded due to my own immature and proud stubbornness. But I urge you to at least consider what a one-year veteran has to say about the essay, one of the most important faces of your application. I’m conflicted about whether I should write this in list or essay form but given the subject matter I’ll proceed appropriately with essay form.

I’ll start by stressing the importance of writing a stellar essay by attempting to scare you. These people (the admissions officers) don’t know a thing about you. However, they do care about you — if you’re good enough. Let me ask, when you meet people, how do you get to know them? Through their voice and what they say, for the most part, right? Your essay (I’ll be referring to your Common App essay from here on out, but supplements apply as well) is the one vehicle through which you can actively communicate with the people that hold the keys to your future. If you write a subpar or even barely average essay, I guarantee you that perfect scores will not suffice. With  commendable achievements and great extracurriculars you might have a better chance to salvage a weak essay. But why not work hard on it now and not have to worry like I did whether everything else will make up for your essay? It makes you feel like you’re trying to justify your lack of effort in writing with your resume. Don’t be that person.

When choosing a subject matter you should be cautious but only within contentious topics. Don’t write about how your suspicious Egyptian neighbors turned out to be your best friends or how your addiction to heroine allowed you to start a life long journey of climbing out of a hole. No matter the gain, the initial loss will set you below every other applicant that never had that problem to begin with. Don’t try to make the readers feel sorry for you. Don’t try to make the readers feel like you’re sorry for them. Instead, write about something that you think might be too unique, but has an important impact on you. Taking intelligent risks have low chances of backfire, despite the definition of risk.

So what exactly do you write about? Think. If I, given an infinite amount of time, could eventually tell you the answer to that question, then you shouldn’t write about it. This is your chance to write about something no one has written before. Thinking up something like this takes time. So THINK. Write multiple drafts, ask successful upperclassmen, read your journals you thought you would never read, I don’t know but find something that somehow changed the way you think or how you see the world. There is no stronger theme to have permeating your narrative and analysis than this. Evolution of mind within even the most banal topics is and always will be more appealing than static cognition within the greatest of feats. So, show who what when where why how you learned something regarding the way you perceive things. You’ll show maturity, critical thinking skills, and brain plasticity, which, is really more an involuntary thing, but whatever it matters.

Once you’ve thought about the context within which you are going to realize your overall message, start writing. Write, rewrite, and rewrite again. Once you’ve done that, rewrite it. Eventually, you’ll want to show it to other people and get feedback. I’ll stop here with the writing advice since any college prep book will cover that in greater detail. One book I found immensely helpful for writing, in general, was The Elements of Style (click title for Wiki page). It’s only ~100 pages and is so incredibly great for improving your writing.

My last piece of advice is timing. Do everything I said a couple months ahead of the application due date. Which, for Class of 2014, is now.  Once you think you’re satisfied with it, put it down and forget about it for a couple weeks. Pick it up again and I guarantee you it will suck. But it’s okay. Hundreds of the kids you’re competing against will have this feeling in January, which if you think about, is kind of too late. Revise it or start over with a new story. Keep doing this until you are 100% proud of your essay and you think that it is original, representative of you, and better than everyone else’s that would ever apply. This is what I want to stress the most. Spend as much time as you think you would need to write an outstanding essay, then do it again. After writing consistently for a while now, I know that revising is a time-consuming process, but proportionally rewarding. I know for a fact that essays are what tip certain students in to the college and other students, unfortunately, out, even if, technically they are the better peer. Remember, everyone is on level ground in the essay. It’s the Essay Hunger Games and you want every last cornucopia item imaginable, because you’re dealing with thousands of other applicants. Only a certain percentage come out. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Here is a list of other random pieces of advice I either just thought of or couldn’t fit into the above.

1. Inject humor only when absolutely necessary; your joke about push pins won’t do anything about your enlightenment. Puns, in moderation (<1), are acceptable (I think).
2. Don’t come off as a jerk.
3. Don’t go over the word limit (I mean, why would you even test this, I don’t get it).
4. Don’t talk about Amanda Bynes.
5. Don’t talk about Drake Bell.
6. Don’t quote High School Musical song lyrics.
7. Don’t acknowledge Nickelback’s existence in any way.
8. Don’t start with a quote unless it’s your own, which is stupid.
9. Don’t write secret messages in invisible ink because they scan everything with UV lights and Voldemort will come after you.
10. Don’t mention your love for Emma Watson. …Okay, maybe.
11. DO read and revise till you can’t no more.
12. Don’t use double negatives.

Thanks everyone for reading and I hope some of my advice helps as I know they would have helped me had I known them a year ago. Remember, write, revise, write, revise, and spend some good quality time with your essay. It will pay off.

Good luck and feel free to comment your own suggestions or questions!